today. i performed at northeast elementary school for their culture night. we played omiyage and hero. i didn't eat the potluck food but i ate a big arch from mcdonald's. for a long time, i have been thinking about being in yamatai. not in a regretful way (ectc cemented my confidence that it was a good idea to join yamatai), but in a cultural way. i am not japanese. i am korean. but i am at an elementary school performing japanese taiko and speaking japanese to kids and advertising japan to kids and their parents. isn't that fucked up? japan raped korea and colonized them and destroyed them. my grandparents can read kanji because of it. they say blood is thicker than water, yet i feel no connection to korea. i do not speak much to my family and my korean is getting worse every year. i speak, eat, perform, study, and celebrate japanese. but the flesh of my body is the same that was flayed by the imperial army. what am i?