when i was driving to nyc to perform for uniqlo two weeks ago, i got a message from a blank account. i had kento flirt with him for me while i drove and that system worked out pretty well. he was a cute sophomore named kiron. he went to the gym (clearly), talked in a cutesy way, was interested in anime and video games... i was very happy on the drive down. i invited him on a date and he said yes. i told kento that the perfect ones are often too good to be true. ive had a lot of very long chats with "cute" guys who turned out to be fake and i think it's really traumatized me. i am a confident person and i think i am realistic about things, too. so, it is really painful when the heart that i always rely on tells me that i will never, ever find someone. because, i think it's true. kiron's face pics were suspicious and his other pics were also either really low-quality or high-quality. these are the red flags of a catfish. but, i wanted to believe he was real. he had a tattoo on his finger in one pic, but no tattoo in a video he sent. he said his name was kiron but there isn't a single "kiron" who goes to cornell (students have a directory). but, i wanted to believe he was real. i asked him for a face pic with him holding up a peace sign. he sent one where he was holding up two fingers... but it wasn't a peace sign. catfishes often have a lot of photos of the person they're catfishing as so that was probably the closest one. i asked for another... but he stopped responding. i went to bed sad that i met another catfish. but to my surprise he responded to my accusation and said he found my suspicion gross. we had a convo and i apologized. we still talked after that (a week or so) but when i asked him about his tattoo he stopped responding again. and then after another convo i asked about where he was from and he said it would be best if we forgot this all ever happened. did i mention he said his phone got run over when i gave him my number? ... i think i am realistic about things. yet, i forced myself to believe he was real because i wanted to feel what it was like having fun talking to a cute guy. it was truly fun texting 'kiron.' but he wasn't real. why do people catfish? why do they insist they're not catfishes when they are? i wonder if it's a game to them. i wonder what 'kiron' looks like. i don't think i'm ugly. sometimes i think i'm pretty good looking. and i know i talk well and tell good stories and bad jokes. but i think my concept of self is degrading with each match that goes nowhere and every scammer and catfisher that messages me (every day). i think i am realistic about things and i think i'll never find someone. can only one be true? i wish kiron was real. i wish i had a cute guy to hug and kiss and hold hands with.